Room Mates

Room mates suck. No ands ifs or buts about it. Let's start off with a couple I had. I'll refer to them as Asshole and Fuckboy. Of the two, Fuckboy was definitely the lesser of two evils. He was a self centered Casanova type. Living in the room next to his was like being next to a porno shoot, and no that is NOT fun when it goes on day after day at 3:00AM work nights. The other room mate was a more than decent guy, so the situation was annoying but tolerable. Then, of the two of them of COURSE the decent room mate moved out, and Asshole moved in.

I had met Asshole once before, as he was a friend of the home owner, when he bragged about how much he LOVED to stomp on people heads once he got them on the ground. I suspected he would not be a fun room mate to have around, but the homeowner wanted him in, and at first he seemed decent. Then Fuckboy asked him to do something really minor, like leave the shower curtain closed so it would dry better. Assholes response was "fuck you", and that was his response to anything asked of him, no matter how reasonable it was.

Asshole loved the cold, and he made sure everyone got to share that love by jacking open every window in the house even when it was in the 30's. As everyone had to share the bathroom, this really sucked. Close the windows and Asshole would be jacking them open again 10 seconds later. Asshole could do anything he wanted and not care, but if anyone did anything HE didn't like, there was immediate and harsh retaliation. If Fuckboy shaved and didn't rinse out the sink, Asshole would shave his pubic hairs and throw them in the sink. One of Fuckboy's girlfriends made Asshole late for work one morning by hogging the shower, so Asshole pissed in Fuckboy's trash, which was in the hallway. Asshole could do whatever HE wanted to do, but the reverse was not the same.

Complaining to the home owner was useless, when the homeowner finally forced Asshole to stop jacking the windows up when it was freezing outside, he started playing rap at rock concert volume at 5:00AM every morning. When he was told to stop doing that he started writing nasty notes on the condensation of the windows. The homeowner LOVED Asshole, so he was never going to get kicked out no matter what he did. I made damn sure to rent a self contained studio with a private bathroom when I moved out, which was not long after Asshole's latest escapade.

I've had some friends and they have had sour experiences with room mates too. Eric was living with a Joe Hardballs type even more unreasonable than Asshole. Joe Hardballs threw Eric out, and then wouldn't even let him back in to collect his things. Eric had to call the cops. The cop showed up and told Eric he had 10 min to clear his stuff out. It wasn't enough time so Eric wound up losing his guitar and a few other things to Joe Hardballs.

My other friend Kevin had a fun room mate too. He was recommended by a friend of Kevin's, so Kevin thought he was OK. As it turns out, the roomie had a habit. A crack habit. Kevin came back from a days work and all the walls were covered in whipped cream, because his room mate thought that would be fun after smoking crack. The problem was self repairing, as the crackhead paid his dealer but not his share of the rent, so they both got evicted and Kevin was living on the street.

My co-worker has room mates where he lives. They are nowhere near as malicious as the ones I described, but they still suck. They are vegetarians with 0 disease resistance, they are always getting sick. Then my co worker gets sick, then I get sick. So even without living with any, room mates are still sucking for me.