Ejaculate Conception

Ahh Christmas, the birth of HOLY Jesus!! Where Christians everywhere celebrate the miracle of immaculate conception. This is where Jesus's mother, the holy virgin, managed to become pregnant without ever being soiled by a man's penis. Do you believe this? Really? Contact me, I have a bridge for sale. I'll give you a great deal on it too.
What really happened is most likely something like this, so here is my holiday gift to you, the Theory of Ejaculate Conception.
 Women back then were sometimes subject to arranged marriages. From some accounts, Joseph, Marys husband, was an older fellow. So here she is, young Mary, married to an old cuck she's really not all that interested in to begin with. So the night of the wedding, without further adieu, he pulls out his withered, limp old prick. Mary is underwhelmed by this and tells him, in the words of women past, present, and future "Ickk, there is no WAY you are putting that in me!!" To which Joseph sighs and does what he has always done before marriage - rolls over, jerks off, and goes to sleep. Mary is a Shepherdess, her job is to go into nowheresville with a flock of sheep, graze them, and bring them back to town for safe keeping at night. One day she runs into a Sheppard. And he is not an old man. He is young, and very comely to look upon. She runs into him often in the fields, where the only eye witnesses to anything are the sheep, and they aren't talking. Things get close, and Mary learns that the young Sheppard's penis is neither wrinkled nor limp. Indeed, it is like a pile driver, the young Sheppard brags he can pound stakes with it, but what it winds up pounding is Mary, frequently. Being in ancient times, the worlds first condom shop has not yet opened so not surprisingly Mary gets pregnant. Now these days in such a situation there would most likely be a lot of yelling, with the word "slut" repeated about a hundred times, followed by an expensive and acrimonious divorce. Back in the day, Mary's day that is, they did things differently. Women got stoned to death for adultery. So Mary isn't about to say, "Oh yeah, I LOVED every second of it when my young stud boyfriend pumped his man-juice into me", because while the truth, such an admission would get her killed. From his frequent complaints at the marketplace everyone already knows Joseph hasn't been getting any so she can't claim him as the father. What to do, what to do?? Mary is no slouch, she concocts a story of god, miraculously impregnating her with no sex!! Immaculate Conception!!!!
 So she sold this bill of goods to enough of the ignorant not only to avoid being stoned, but to wind up becoming an enduring superstar who's fame has lasted to this day. You go girl!!!!